Swimming is Fundamental

Barton Springs Early Morning Swim Report 9/12/2023

This morning, it was I who accidentally caressed a passing swimmer’s fundament.

I’d already been thinking, perhaps for the first time, about how I appear in full swim to others. By “others” I mean raccoons. I still haven’t gotten over reading the following after googling “can raccoons swim?”:

Raccoons have also been found to enter swimming pools of private buildings, and can remain in the pool without anyone noticing

This morning I wondered, If there is a raccoon in this pool without me noticing, can I be in the pool without a raccoon noticing? How loud am I? I’m not a particularly strong swimmer, and I breast stroke, and I have noticed that other breaststrokers can nearly disappear between breaths. Would I sufficiently scare off a paddling raccoon? Then I wondered about somebody on the deck of the pool, whether I grunted or burbled as I breathed, or was recognizable. O Lord, I prayed, let me be unrecognizable and unraccoonable.

Freestyle swimmers move across the water splashingly, diagonally, heads turned to the pool floor. They are visible, oblivious. I hustle to get out of their way, but I am a slow craft. If they come too close I raise my head and say, Jesus or golly! or dude! or watch out! or You’re swimming on an angle! I believe myself to be swimming in a straight line. I don’t know if that’s true. Perhaps there’s a shadow blog somewhere, where my swimming crimes are detailed.

Today I was thrown off on my last lap because I was avoiding some divers off the board. Which of us was in the way? Both of us were angling, and we passed each other, me and the fellow in the blue swimming trunks, and I misguessed, and my hand was upon him.